It occurs to me that when I am in different places within that place I call home, suburbia, I wish other people knew what I was thinking. Maybe I am preoccupied with a conversation I am having. Or I am angry about being cut off after being on hold for twenty minutes. Frequently, I am just afraid to say what’s on my mind. With all this discussion about the brain and social networks, I wonder why I hold some of these things back. (Honestly, some of them actually should be held back). Here is what my t-shirts would say in some completely random or maybe not so random sites:
At the gym:
Do not talk to me unless you already know me. Even then, let’s keep it brief.
At the yoga studio:
I am not being standoff-ish. This is one of the few times I have for myself and I value the silence.
At a meeting for a charity organization:
What I have to say is important, even if I do not speak for long and sometimes my face gets red.
When I come home from work:
I love you all, but I have been giving and giving and giving and I just need to sit down under a blanket. Making dinner is the last fucking thing in the world I want to do right now, but I will do it , dammit.
At the supermarket:
No, I am not going to take off my sweats and put on make-up. To be here. With you.
With my close friends:
I couldn’t live without you. You are my lifeline to the world.
With people I want to be my friends:
I may say something silly and my face might get red and I hope I am not trying too hard. Will you be my friend? I really think you are pretty cool.
With people who are friends but not necessarily confidantes:
I am still a little nervous around you. I don’t quite trust you yet. Bear with me. You are super duper and I like you.
At a party:
Parties make me a little uncomfortable, I prefer smaller groups. But this is really fun. Let’s talk about something amazing.
In a confrontational situation:
Eek. Get me out of here. I hate confrontation, but I will kick your ass if need be.
On my bike:
Lalalalalala….love, wind and speed!!!
During my period/premenopause/other hormonal shifts:
Stay. the. fuck. away. Come close I need you!
I wish I could do something more than I do to help you. I want to know more about you, but I don’t want to pry.
With my husband (really too many to put right here):
I need some space right now. Even though I seem bitchy, it really has nothing to do with you. You are my safe place to land, and sometimes that means you get the worst of me. You are the best man I have ever known.
With my sisters:
You are entirely different than me, and I am baffled that we grew up in the same house. Sometimes I can be a know-it-all, and I am sorry. I love you.
With my dog:
You are so human. Thanks for worshipping me. Sorry I forgot to feed you breakfast.
With my children (again, too many to mention):
I may be yelling right now, or on the computer, or reading the paper, or writing. But you are always my priority and I will never stop loving you completely, desperately and with all my heart. And please, for the love of God, I do not want to play “Sorry” again.
To all my communities and all my social networks:
I need you.