I spent an absolutely delightful afternoon with my friend Michelle at Pine State Biscuits last Monday. It was sunny outside, a welcome change, so we took advantage by sitting outside in the sun. Michelle is technically not a suburban mom, she lives in the city limits, but her upbringing was solidly suburban and she fits in well with suburbo-types. Michelle is a “work friend,” she is an occupational therapist (like me) and we work together at a local clinic. As a new hire last year, Michelle was the first OT I met and we worked together pretty intensely covering a maternity leave for another OT. I instantly felt a connection to her, and you would too. Trust me. She is one captivating gal.
Michelle has a wide-eyed, curious, outspoken and open-armed view of the world. She has a huge smile and you feel completely unjudged, listened to and giddy when you are around her. The best word I can use to describe her is twinkly. She is just that nice to be around. Don’t get me wrong though, she has her opinions. She is resistant to pigeon holing because she is a dichotomy in a few ways. Michelle worries about underserved kids and families, but is also a cute dresser with a flair for color and finer textiles. She is patient, calm and easy with the kids we work with, but will raise her voice when it comes to things she finds an outrage. She is the parent of three Waldorf educated boys, shuns technology and enjoys the creative process. However, she has high standards for her crafts. No crap crafts, please. Michelle believes in healing and the ancient practices of Qigong and yoga. She is a certified cranio-sacral practitioner (and a few more certifications that are less known to readers) but the glory of a walk outside is also a direct route to curing what ails you. She sits in the front row at her church so her boys are well behaved while in attendance. Despite the stereotypes of churchgoers, Michelle is liberal and open minded and she has no tolerance for things which block the path to happiness, yours or her own.
“Most people would probably say I’m a good mom,” is what Michelle says when asked what is the most frequent compliment she receives. That’s an understatement. I personally feel empowered by Michelle’s parenting style which steadfastly upholds her ideals. Those ideals would be togetherness, fun, firmness, free thinking and good old fashioned values. She has an uncanny ability to not get sucked into peer pressure. Talking about a friend who starts worrying about summer camps in January, Michelle says she shuts it down. Her first priority is family time, not scheduling, worrying, list making and competing. She says she can’t be bothered by that stuff, it’s a drain on her and all the things she would like to do with her family. Michelle travels back to childhood home in New York at least a few times a year. This is incredible to me, a native East Coaster. Three kids and mom and dad making the cross country trek so frequently? But when Michelle describes her family, I see why it’s so important to her. While her siblings are all very different, their mom was the guiding force- always telling them that they could do anything and giving them powerful messages of self ability every step of the way. Family is the center, and that is that.
Friendships are also a high priority for Michelle. She gravitates toward others who feel the same way about family and together time. Michelle is a self professed extrovert. When I was younger, I probably could not have been friends with Michelle. Her ability to completely pay attention to me, eyes never failing to connect, ideas always supported and firmly entrenched in an underlying confidence: this would have been unnerving to me. It would have scared me and made me uncomfortable and nervous. But now I welcome her strength because I think it strengthens me. It motivates me to be a better parent, friend and less wishy-washy. She understands that community begins with family and extends to friendships and neighbors and her loyalty is a result of that. She craves relationships with other like minded people, like school moms or neighbors. She feels drawn to others by something not quite known, but trusts her ability to recognize a friend. She is practical too, instinctively knowing it’s harder to be friends with people whose kids are different ages. Michelle and I are drawn together by the similarities in our husbands and how they think alike, in a very pragmatic way. We also bond over our the fact that we are most definitely not techno-savvy. When it comes to gossip (topic of an upcoming post), Michelle enjoys a bit of it now and then but knows where to draw the line. She stops if it comes down to saying something that you wouldn’t say directly to the person. And she would. Believe me.
In 10 years, when two of the three boys will be out of the house, she sees herself as being the same in many ways. But she would definitely like to travel more with her husband, something she loves but has largely let go of in order to raise her family. Michelle will no doubt be the same anchor for her children that her own family in New York continues to be for her. She will be the same protective, loving and compassionate person she is, but with more time to sew and create. She will be the same person with the same “can do” attitude. I love that the next work day after I interviewed her, she came in and said, “I keep thinking of things I should have said when you asked me things!” She is compelled to get it right. Just by virtue of knowing her, so are you. In 10 years, I am sure that Michelle will be sending home made care packages to her sons, continuing to frequently visit family members, traveling, voicing her opinion (loudly), struggling with technology, working a pop of color in her outfits, giggling, and in general making the world a better place. I only hope I am still her friend to see it all.
Thanks Michelle! Biscuits and tea are awesome.